The title of this blog is “Delights and Shadows.” Our lives have known many, many delights in the last few years and far fewer shadows. I trust – I know – there are more delights to come. For now we’re living in the shadows.
I would imagine that most of you who read this blog already know the tragedy we have recently experienced – the dark providence that God has wrought in our lives. Yesterday marked three weeks since our two darling babies died, only an hour or so after delivery.
It had been my intention simply to take this blog offline and be finished with it. What does one say after such a thing? I don’t know how to communicate the reality of our lives these days through such an inferior medium as this.
However, recently I have found myself pondering different aspects of my own suffering, asking questions that have surprised me and catching glimpses of the world of grief that I did not expect. And the world of hope.
And I think that I will continue to write even if the tenor of writing might be different, at least for a time.
Our lives have changed forever. I will never be the same and my husband will never be the same. One does not “get over” the death of one’s children. Others who have been through this storm have told us that over time the sharper edges of our anguish will be blunted and the burden of grief will not weigh so heavily. I believe them and I wait for that time in expectation. But I also know that a part of me was buried that day we buried our babies. A part of my soul is now in Heaven. I will never get that back. I wouldn’t wish it back. It belongs with my children. I am in Heaven even while I continue here on this tired earth.