Grace Upon Grace (March 2011)

Thank you, thank you, thank you all you wonderful friends for your love and rejoicing and the comments that you leave here, which I LOVE, by the way. 🙂 Judah has no idea how many dear people are rejoicing over him these days.

I have been thinking a lot about that very fact during these weeks of celebration. He is at the center of so much fun and activity and is the cause of so many tears of gratitude and heartfelt rejoicing, but he is completely oblivious. He has been born into this world, adopted into our family and baptized into the church, all entirely unbeknownst to him. All he knows is hunger and the satisfaction of being fed, tiredness and the pleasure of sleep, the delight of being held and the horror of being left alone. Someday I will tell him all about these days and weeks and try to communicate to him the joy that I now know, joy that is new and unfamiliar and entirely life changing. But for now I feed and clothe and rock and cuddle and that’s all I can do. I cannot communicate to him the weight and the glory of the promises that have been made to him, or the beauty of Jesus or the wonder of a Father that gave him to us and us to him.

I look at him and I wonder if that’s how God sees me. All I can see is my own limited, imperfect view of my life in this world. I cannot fully see, much less comprehend, the love that has been poured out, the promises that have been made to me or the future glory that will one day be mine. All I saw before was sorrow and disappointment. Now I see fulfillment and answered prayer, a tiny glimpse of the kind of Father that loves me. But I have no real comprehension of Him – all I can do is take the glimpses I get and continue to hope for more, learning as I go that God is more full of love and grace than I could possibly imagine.

Which, I suppose, is why God gives us these glimpses – moments when our hearts are full to bursting – so we’ll catch a quick sight of the kind of Lord He has always been and always will be.

This entry was posted in Adoption, Journey to Judah, Mommying. Bookmark the permalink.

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