Sola Fide…Then and Now (July 2010)

There is rejoicing in the Moon household these days. The first reason is, of course, that Netherlands beat Uruguay in the semi-final. Ample reason to celebrate for my orange-clad husband.

The other reason is that the Lord has showered us with blessing in the form of twins, due early September, to a wonderful, heroic woman who has made an adoption plan with us. We are trying to prepare ourselves for a phone call and a quick flight to Florida, at which point our lives will change forever.

You can imagine how hesitant I have felt to blog about this amazing news, news that still seems completely unreal – like it belongs to another person’s life. I think to myself that there is so much that could go wrong. So much that is still tentative. So much opportunity for heartbreak.

True. I find that my broken heart expects further pain more easily than joy. God brought pain before. Why wouldn’t He again?

And then there’s the other, more insidious problem. An inclination deep down to think that if I make this news public then that will jinx us. Everyone knows – therefore it will most certainly go wrong.

What is this lack of faith? Because of God’s goodness to me I have borne witness to His unfailing love and mercy. In the last 15 months I have consumed enormous amounts of His grace, breathing it in like oxygen and finding the strength to continue on. Now He gives us this – this blessing of all blessings, this double portion of His grace. And I find it easy to believe that my God is no longer good. He has given us two babies to love and now His love is less than it has always been?

I never thought that it would take as much faith to hope as it does to grieve – faith to receive instead of relinquish. Why am I surprised? Faith is, after all, the only important thing – both the journey and the prize.

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